when self-deprecating jokes don’t work

When I was a young startup CEO, I had a bad habit of making self-deprecating jokes on calls with potential partner organizations. My board chair encouraged me to stop doing this. The rationale he offered for this advice has stuck with me since.

You may think your self-deprecating humor is winning you points for modesty, humility, not being a jerk. If your joke, however, is about a characteristic that you do not obviously already have in the eyes of your audience (tenure, competence, eloquence), the joke likely only confirms the suspicions of your skeptics. You’re not graciously humble in their eyes; you’re incompetent and dopey enough to admit it.

None of this is generous, of course, and some folks will assume the best or exercise the emotional intelligence to see what you’re really up to.

But why lower your status (and by extension, that of your team and their efforts) with superfluous self-abasement? There are much more effective ways to show your humility: active listening, sharing credit, and drawing attention to shared goals and values are just a few.

-Eric